Newspaper headlines are in blue.
The literal meanings are in green.
What they really meant is in purple.
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Girl Hit By Car In Hospital
The girl was in a hospital when the car hit her.
The girl that was hit by a car is in the hospital.
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Police Grill Murder Suspect
The police barbeque the murder suspect.
The police are asking the murder suspect questions to see if he or she is guilty.
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Footballer On The Mend After Fatal Car Crash
The athlete is feeling better after he or she died in a car accident.
The athlete is feeling better after the car accident in which someone died.
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Stolen Painting Found by Tree
The tree found the stolen painting.
The stolen painting was found near the tree.
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Police Alert on Stolen Drugs
The police are alert because they are using drugs.
The police are looking for the stolen drugs.
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MP’s To Take A Close Look At Pornography
The politicians are going to watch AV movies.
The politicians are going to talk about laws concerning people making AV movies.
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Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
They say that the children should be beaten.
They say that children should wear seatbelts.
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Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
The drunk must live in a violin case for nine months.
The drunk must go to prison for nine months because he or she stole or destroyed a violin.
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Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
The squad helps the dog bite someone.
The squad helps someone that was bitten by a dog.
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
The miners will not work because they are dead.
The miners will not work because someone died.
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Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
When the ships hit each other, one of the ships died.
When the ships hit each other, someone on one of the ships died.
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Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
They are going to kill the man for the second time. (They had already killed him once.)
The man is going to be killed by the prison on a certain day. He was supposed to die before, but it was stopped.
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
The bridge is held together by pieces of red tape.
The bridge was stopped being built because of a legal problem.
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
The people doing the research want much fatter people to study.
The people doing the research want a larger group of people to study.
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
The astronaut farted.
The astronaut says it was his or her fault that there was gas inside the spacecraft.
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Children are healthy to eat.
The children cooked delicious snacks.
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
The students that decide not to go to school anymore are cut into two pieces.
The number of students that decide not to go to school anymore is now half compared to before.
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Passing wind strands BC Ferry passengers
The ship cannot move until the man stops farting.
The ship cannot go anywhere because of a storm.
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Autos killing 110 a Day; Let’s Resolve to do Better
Not enough people are being killed by cars. We have to try harder to kill more people.
Cars are killing 110 people every day. We must drive more carefully so less people die.
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Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon
A car will talk to the dealers at noon.
The dealers will listen to a speech about cars at noon.
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Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984
The courts paid $1,000 to drunk drivers in 1984.
The drunk drivers had to pay $1,000 to the courts in 1984.
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Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy
Kicking babies is good for your health.
If a baby in a woman’s womb kicks, then the baby is probably healthy.
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Robber Holds Up Albert’s Hosiery
A robber holds up Albert’s pantyhose because they are falling down.
The robber steals money from Albert’s Hosiery.
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Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
Two men accused of murder are not found guilty. Instead, the jury is hung.
The jury cannot come to a unanimous decision over whether or not to hang the two men.
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Panda Mating Fails – Veterinarian Takes Over
The male panda tries to make the female panda pregnant, but he cannot do it. The veterinarian pushes the male panda away and does it himself..
The veterinarian artificially inseminates the female panda because the male panda cannot make her pregnant.
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
The jet did not crash properly..
Something went wrong with the jet. As a result, the jet crashed.
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Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
The cow hurt the farmer with an ax.
The farmer had an ax when the cow hurt him or her.
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Stud Tires Out
A man who is hired for his great sexual ability is to tired to work.
A new tire is available for sale.
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Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
If you have herpes, you must give it to your lover.
If you have herpes, you must tell your lover about it.
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Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
You are not allowed to try to sell things door-to-door, or grave to grave, to dead people.
There was a ban on selling door-to-door, but now it is okay to do it.
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Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Some pieces of Rock Hudson’s body were sold at an auction.
Some of Rock Hudson’s possessions were sold at an auction.
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Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Teachers are asking for classes on how to have sex.
Teachers are asking for classes on how to teach sex education.
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Include your Children when Baking Cookies
Add your children into your cookie mix.
Have your children help you to make cookies.
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Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Queen Mary is having her bottom anus scraped.
The bottom of the ocean ship, the Queen Mary, is being scraped.
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Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
People who drink milk are turning into powder.
People are drinking powdered milk instead of fresh milk.
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Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
A grandmother with eight grandchildren makes a hole in one of them.
A woman with eight grandchildren made a hole-in-one when she played golf.
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Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
A virgin from Russia failed to lose her virginity, again.
A Russian weapon failed to do what it was suppose to do.
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